Thursday, August 14, 2014

Neon, School Theme, Cupcakes

Today we did a little bit of school shopping. I have a hard-fast rule that we don't do a whole new wardrobe before school starts. I don't ever get a whole new wardrobe so for hell's sake, neither do my kids. For school, they get new socks, unders, shoes and a haircut. But I bent my rule today and they got some shirts. We found some killer deals, but guys, I can't believe I did it but I spent $10 on a pair of socks for Jack. ONE PAIR. Boy's style these days is tall socks. Preferably neon tall socks. Jack begged and pleaded and I relented. $10 for neon orange socks that go up to Jack's knees. It's such a funny trend right now. Ethan is vocal about his distain and I tell Jack that Dad is old-fashioned and grouchy.

With a lot of families, the new school year often comes with a family theme. "Go and Do", "Choose Happiness", "Love One Another", "Return with Honor" etc. In the past, we have done a theme. One year it was "Put Your Damn Clothes In The Laundry Basket" and the other year it was "Stop Talking to Your Parents Like They Are the Stupidest People You Know" and last year was "I Am Sorry, But Your Brother Is Your Best Friend And That's The Way It Is." This year, I am thinking about having a family gang sign instead. Something really gangster, west coast gangster. Once I figure it out, I will let you know.

I got to do some gender-reveal cupcakes today for my friend Christina. I love doing those. I love knowing before they do. Luckily, they wanted a girl and they were thrilled when they bit into the cupcakes and there was pink filling. I have done gender-reveal cupcakes twice now and both times it was a girl. If you want a girl, have me make your gender-reveal cupcakes and you will get a girl.

Currently Violet is covered in mud from the backyard. Lots of mud. I am sure she needs a bath but I keep shooing her away. I should probably go take care of her. Oh, and Jack just told me he watched a rolly polly be borned. So there's that.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Haram, Orange, Bum

Haram pants. Guys, I just can't. Kalli, I still love you even when you wear your haram pants.
I have a luscious, dumpy bum so those pants would make it look even dumpier. Speaking of my bum, I have never been uncomfortable with how big it is. Even when I was as big as a polar bear and pregnant, I still loved my lady hump. I have always been ready for this jelly.

The other day, I took the kids up to Bridal Veil Falls in Provo. It is a spectacular sight. And all people were doing was taking pictures, mostly of themselves. It was so disappointing. Put down yer damn phone and look up! Look! Pounding water, cooling spray and jagged peaks! Look! The fish in the pool, fighting over the fish food, their shiny scales and rainbow ring along their sides! Yes, of course I took some pics. But it was a few and then I put the phone in my pocket and we enjoyed the falls. As I have spent our summer days outside, whether at the pool or in the mountains or at the park, I am always so snobbish and I watch other people on their phones, just tapping away, ignoring their surroundings. And kids sports games especially! #putdownyerdamnphone

We are now back on school bedtime schedule. I know, I am early on this. But I am also a person who enjoys the quiet of a sleeping house at the end of the day. I am not a night person. I am a morning person. 8:0pm hits and I WANT MY SPACE. DO NOT CROSS ME. Tonight, I am looking forward to my orange nail polish, a few warm chocolate chip cookies and the Food Network Star finale.

Speaking of school, have I told you we get a brand new school? It has been under construction for a year. We are so excited. New principal, new playground, new desks, everything new. Along with a new school comes lots of new controversy, like the issue of us being closer to the new school so there is no bus. OH THE DRAMA. People threatening to homeschool, boycott the school and "give the principal a piece of their mind". I am on the other end of the issue. I have driven my kids to school for years and I have lived to tell the tale. Guys, just get in your car, drive the one mile and drop them off. You don't even have to wear a bra or shoes. And the carpool line is not nearly as horrid as you think.

Wow, looking at the post now that I am done, I seem to have a lot of angst right now. I need some chill time.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Ellen, DNA, Hanitizer

I am just not sure how I feel about Seth Meyers on Late Night. I mean, I like the guy, but why couldn't he just do Weekend Update on SNL forever? Once NBC gets over him being on Late Night, I vote Ellen DeGeneres. I think she would do a bang up job.

If you saw on the Facebook, Jack told me that the military has a robot that can find IUDs. Bless his heart. I was quick to correct him. IEDs pal. I wasn't really up to explaining IUDs. I would, believe me, I would. I love talking to Jack about the hard-hitting sex/body talks. Like the other day, we had a completely casual breakfast table conversation about how sperms and eggs get together with their individual DNA's to make a baby. It started with him claiming that two white people can make a black baby. Untrue.

Van has changed his future career from Coast Guard to scientist. Specifically a scientist that deals heavily in blood and bones. He is currently fixated about bones and bodies. And I know why. When we moved, it took Van approximately 20 minutes to find an old cat grave in our backyard. He dug it all up and has a crap load of cat bones that we have tried to throw away a bunch of times but he always finds them and gets them out of the trash. IT IS REVOLTING. Just a heads up, if your kid comes over to play at my house, Van will coerce them to the backyard so he can show them his cat bone collection. Your kid will have their hands all over a cat jaw, tibia and pelvis, just so you know. Pull out the hanitizer.

If you come by our house and see our lawn, don't judge. We are dealing with growing new grass and it looks like a**. Ha! I am funny. It's a shame the grass looks like crap because my potted flowers are FANTASTIC this year.

Just finished "Moloka'i". Such a fantastic book. Read it, dummy.


Monday, July 21, 2014

Waterpark, Soapy, Blueberry Swirl

Today I went to Seven Peaks Waterpark. Let me reiterate the "I" part. As in I didn't take my kids. I went with two of my sisters, my sister's step kids and her husband. Guys, this is the way to do a waterpark. Leave the kids at home. We had the greatest time. No whining kids, just us falling off tubes and swearing heavily as we go down really scary slides. I don't think I will ever take my kids there. Maybe when they are teenagers and we can just have fun. I am completely serious. It was the absolute funnest.

Today I also had to send my two boys across the street with a bucket of soapy water and wash rags. They thought it would be a good idea to throw the little plums that fall off my neighbors tree at their white fence. Not a good idea afterall. Who knew?! So they got to scrub it clean. Van thought he was going to get paid. Hilarious.

My neighbor brought over two gallons of 2% milk that expire today because she is going to Hawaii and has no use for them. So I bought lots of eggs and heavy cream and I am making ice cream. Lots of ice cream. I think I will make a big master base and then add flavoring from there. Probably some blueberry swirl, milk chocolate/peanut butter and vanilla bean/cinnamon. I should rummage around my pantry and fridge and come up with a few more ideas. Maybe combine all the jars of nearly-empty jam and make some kind of fruity one. That would be dandy.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Umpire, Chai, Teeth

Today was church. Always a good day. I taught my primary babies about the importance of saying thank you and showing gratitude, something kids these days are losing touch with. It was pretty sweet to hear the things they are most thankful to Heavenly Father for is their families. And then my sweet autistic buddy said he was thankful for himself. After church, we watched "Castaway Cowboy" to commemorate the death of the total hottie, James Garner.

Things I am obsessed with right now:
   *Finding cool bumper stickers to put on my garage fridge. I got a "Keep Tahoe Blue" one because we went to Lake Tahoe a few weeks ago and I became one of those people who care about it because it's so freaking beautiful.
   *Chai tea with vanilla creamer. It's my new nightcap. Thanks Lela!
   *"Call the Midwife". Good gravy, I can't get enough.

Baseball officially ended. We have been going full steam since April. Jack's team placed 3rd in the city league tournament so we moved onto the state tournament. It was a blast. I loved it so much, especially when me and my pal Shalise got a call reversed because we pulled the rule book up on my phone and proved the umpire wrong. Baseball moms will kill you.

Anyone got a dollar bill? I need one to put in the tooth fairy jar for Van because he lost one of his front teeth. He hasn't even started kindergarten and he has lost three teeth. When my mom told me he lost his tooth, my first thought was how cute his kindergarten pics will be with a missing front tooth. SCHOOL STARTS IN ONE MONTH. Yeah, I think we have established on this blog that I am pro kids-in-school. This summer has been great and all, but I am already ready for some type of schedule and structure.

Guys, one of my kids left a red sharpie in their pocket and it leaked and got all over the kid laundry. Violet's underwear is covered in red splotches. It's like she is 4 years old and started her period. Weirds me out.

One last thing, I went to the temple by myself the other night and I just have to tell you how great it was to be in the house of the Lord. To be in the most peaceful place on earth and feel like I am in the right place so strongly. If you want to feel clarity and peace, head to the temple. Even just sitting outside can be effective.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Watermelon, Floaties and Rodeo

Right now, I have a little girl asleep next to me in the spot where her dada sleeps. She is breathing slow and steady with her pink silky blanket wrapped around her legs and she is wearing her brother's tie-dyed tshirt. Her feet are a little dirty and her pigtail braids are scraggley and fuzzy. She had a big day.

First, we piled into the car and headed down to Grandma Sue and Grandpa Jack's house to swim and we made a stop at Costco for a few swim day food essentials (Cheetos and watermelon). As she got out  of the car, I realized she was still wearing her pajamas and had no shoes. At 12:30 in the afternoon. I managed to remember to do her hair, but not get her dressed. Luckily her Saltwaters were in my purse (and dusted in red dirt from playing on the ball field at the outdoor movie last night).

When we got to Grandma and Grandpa's house, she was hesitant to get in the pool. She always is. She has spent every summer of her 4 years being afraid of swimming. She only ever gets in waist deep. Once she finally got in, I grabbed her. She screamed and screamed and attached herself to me like a baby monkey does to it's mother. She shook with fear, but I didn't let her go back to the steps. Eventually she eased, we put on her arm floaties and with some coaxing and crying, soon she was slowly letting go. It was a very big day for her and she was proud as can be.

After some swimming, Cheeto-eating and watching the VHS of "Parent Trap", we loaded up the car again and headed home. After a quick clothing change at home, we were off to the Lehi Roundup rodeo, as per summer tradition. A word about Lehi Roundup: it's our town's week-long summer festival and I love every minute of it. Every year during roundup, I become all twitterpated over Lehi and say things like "Ethan, I would be happy to live the rest of my life in south Lehi." or "I wish I was old Lehi. I am going to just tell people I am. I am going to tell people this is my 20th roundup."

We went to the rodeo and got rained on, but not soaked. My pansy Los Angeles-raised husband wanted to leave early because of the rain, but I didn't let him. I had to see some barrel racing. That's my favorite event. It's the only female event and I like seeing us girls represented. But I do have one beef with the Lehi Roundup rodeo. Why no mutton bustin'?

Now we are home, dried off from the rain and Violet is laying next to me. I have to make the job list for tomorrow so we can get this house into tip top clean shape and then we will brave the crowds over at the park for the boutique, some cotton candy and bounce houses. Later in the evening, we get to be in the mini float parade and throw neapolitan taffy at the crowds. Gosh, life is pretty dang good.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Kidney infection, Snow Cones and Peanut Butter Cups

I am sick, thus I am forced to blog. I am in bed with a kidney infection. What the crap is that all about? One day I am great, footloose and fancy free. And the next day I am hobbling around like I have a bad back. I go to the doc this afternoon and he gets all mad at me for not coming in sooner. So a shot on my ample buns, a lengthy round of antibiotics and a good scolding about "you are such a beautiful woman, why would you put yourself in infection's danger?" So here I sit in bed, with some cute hot pink nail polish I bought when I got my prescription and my cranberry juice. I am supposed to drink cranberry juice, right? I think I am. I also have my laptop. Duh. What show should I watch on Netflix or Hulu?

What has been the latest in my life besides my left kidney causing a ruckus? Well, it's summer and we are enjoying it. I tell you what, it's sure nice to not have a toddler anymore. Violet is 4 and she is potty trained (I use that term very loosely) and she doesn't require naps. So we are unencumbered by the demands of a needy midget. And because of that, it's off to the pool! Off to the museum! Off to the lake! Off to get snow cones! It's quite nice. Sometimes, I get a warm and fuzzy inside thinking about how my job is to entertain these little people of mine. My job is to provide them experiences, exercise, excitement. While it is exhausting (another "ex" word), it's a blessing! I love packing my three into the back seat of my little red car. Yes, friends of us when we were just married, we still have Little Red. We bring a lunch and some sunscreen and set off to do whatever we please. Mom life is the good life. I wish more people knew that.

Other things on my mind lately:
Remember to get more Pull-Ups for Vi at night
Dealing with our front lawn. Lots of crab grass=us ripping up the whole thing and reseeding. Fun.
Trader Joe's peanut butter cups
Jack's baseball tournament schedule. Currently ranked 3rd!
Flourless chocolate cake with raspberry sauce
Summertime school work for my kids. Desperate for Jack to read more, so I pay him $3 every time he finishes a book.
My friend Jodi who is getting a divorce.
My other friend Ann who's two children have had major surgeries in the same week.
This quote: "Motherhood is the art of the being there."
Tiling the backsplash in my kitchen
Van's birthday on Thursday. SIX!
Van's friend party I need to plan. Something along the lines of water balloons, Otter Pops and pizza.
Taking my kids to the Cleveland-Lloyd Dinosaur Quarry. We/I have become slightly obsessed with the whole mystery behind it.